On Friday I went to my friend’s house to celebrate Thanksgiving. The actual date of Thanksgiving in Canada this year is October 13, but my friend held this one early so people wouldn’t have to miss it because of family dinners etc. later in the weekend. Very smart of her if you ask me! Anyway, about twelve of us were there and cooked up quite a feast – ham, potatoes, salad, green beans, delicious desserts – I was very full by the end. I had to save some room for the other two big dinners I’d knew I’d be having this weekend. One definite bonus about being tall: you can pack on a couple pounds and nobody notices because it has more places to go 
Anyway, one of the dinner guests was quite tall. He’s about 6’6” or 6’7”. When I first met him several years ago we talked about how much we both disliked it when people commented on how tall we were. He gets it more than me so I shouldn’t really complain. But we bonded over dumb things people have said to us over the years. So back to dinner. I was sitting at the table across from this guy and beside my friend’s sister. As we were starting to eat she semi-whispered/semi-spoke “How tall is he Kate? Oh my god, how tall is he? He’s huge!” I was obviously feeling awkward and sure that he could hear so I just said nevermind to her. But she persisted. “Kate he’s so tall – tell me how tall he is.” So finally I had to just tell her in a fairly rude way to stop. I felt a bit bad and she turned away from me for most of the meal which was a little uncomfortable.
After dinner I was thinking about the situation. Should I have just quietly said “he’s six-foot-six” and let her marvel at his height? Should I have been more sly and just steered the conversation in some other direction? Who really knows. I pulled my friend’s sister aside once most of the guests (including my tall friend) had gone home and explained that he really didn’t like people talking about his height and that was why I had told her to drop the subject. She was baffled and told me she figured since he was a guy he’d like being told he was big… or something along those lines… I was sort of phasing out and mentally composing my blog post by that point.
Her response is frustrating in so many ways:
- lack of sensitivity. Had he been overweight I highly doubt she would have said “How fat is he Kate? Oh my god, how fat? He’s huge!”
- the assumption that men who are very tall don’t mind being pointed out or pointed at (I know this blog is aimed at tall women but I know men share some of the same issues)
- a big contradiction – she whispered to ask me his height but then when confronted about it said she thought he’d like the comment. If that is what she thought then why didn’t she ask him herself? To me the semi-whisper shows that she knew he might be uncomfortable with the topic.
This leads to some other thoughts… things people say to a tall person (male or female) that tall people generally don’t like. Here’s my top ten list:
- You’re very Amazonian. (directed at women).
- Do you play basketball? No? I’m shocked.
- Do you play volleyball then?
- How big are your feet?
- How tall are you exactly? Then you tell them, only to have them tell you that you are likely taller than whatever you just said.
- Wow! You’re taller than my dad! (directed at women)
- You are SO lucky to be tall.
- You’re so BIG!
- Do you only date people taller than you?
- Woah… you’re like… so tall.
That list isn’t really in a particular order except that #1 is the thing that most tall women I know hate more than ANYTHING.
I created my list without checking any others… but I found a couple online which are also good:
http://www.tallwomen.org/contents/do_nots.htm
Hahaha, I like the one about not hiding behind the tall woman if trouble is brewing. That is definitely NOT a good idea.
http://www.asylum.com/2008/07/11/10-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-tall-woman/
Thanks for reading my rant and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in Canada!
There are a lot of dumb comments, but a friend who is taller than me an *very* comfortable with her height gave me an interesting way of looking at things.
To us most people look – well – normal. We’re very used to normal sized people and know how to act mostly. For people who don’t know us, we’re unusual. They don’t know how to react. So there are comments that may not be thought out very well. She is always friendly and never gives a snippy reply. It is a convenient way to meet people even if you are shy
If you can make them laugh, not at you, but just laugh .. it is great. A line that works in response to “you’re so tall” or “how tall are you” is to look at them and then your feet “oh, its not me – its just the shoes” This is particularly effective if you are wearing flip flops.
Give me a half hour talking with someone. If they are a nice person and we are just talking, we have moved well beyond the height thing. None of my friends think about my height much and I don’t think about theirs either. We do have fun with it sometimes, but it is a very small part of our relationship.
As a 6′9″ man, I get many of the same inane comments that you have described. Just because we are tall does not mean we don’t have feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I feel that my height is a blessing, but some people wonder why I like to hang out with other tall people. We don’t feel singled out with other people of our stature. It is tiring being treated like a freak. Just my two cents worth. Great blog, describes being tall in a normal world very well. Keep up the good work.
Hi Jheri and Rob,
Thanks for commenting!
I think the laughter technique is a good one, Jheri. And I agree, once you get to know someone height can be less of a topic of conversation.
Rob, thanks for your nice words about my blog! What you describe is exactly how my friend who I spoke about in the post feels – he doesn’t want to be singled out either. I can definintely understand the appeal of hanging out with other tall people. My roommate, for example, is almost as tall as me and I like hanging out with her because we can relate. She is very pro-tall (more than me but I am getting that way!) so she is definitely a positive influence.
Kate